Dads that feel they have Failed
This is a real issue across the world. Men carry a huge burden on their shoulders. They often feel like they could have done better or that they came up short in being a father. So let’s address that.
1.) Failure is normal. Everyone fails. It’s part of life. Trial and error. It’s how we learn, adjust, and improve.
2.) If you are struggling in any capacity go back to the basics.
Are you providing the basic necessities of life? If not focus on that and take care of your family.
Are you protecting them? Keeping them free from physical, emotional, spiritual harm? If not the focus on that area.
Are you modeling being a good man? Write down what it means to be a good man and hold yourself accountable.
Once those 3 things are covered then you can worry about the rest of it. Sometimes we Dads get overwhelmed and it helps to have a reminder to go back to the basics or at the very least gain the perspective that you are actually doing pretty damn good because you are providing, protecting, and being a good role model.
3.) Studies show overwhelmingly dads’ presence is a game-changer in a child’s life. So even if you were not perfect the fact that you were there statistically made a massive difference in your kids’ life.
4.) Forgiveness is big. Forgive yourself. You messed up. You screwed up. The only path you have is being better today, tomorrow, and the next day. The good news it’s never too late to turn things around. Take ownership. Apologize. Admit everything. Let your kids know going forward you are doing your best….that’s all any of us can really do….our best…..The key here is actually giving your best…not just saying the words.
5.) There is no real report card in parenting other than what kind of adult they turn into. Make sure it’s a safe loving home. Stay involved. Be strong and loving. Provide, protect, and be the best role model you can be. Judge yourself on the big picture you’re creating. The day-to-day actions, responses, conversation, involvement are important but much like baseball…it’s not possible to be perfect. Every at-bat is a learning opportunity and a chance to improve. That’s what it’s all about….Being aware and making an actual effort to improve.
6.) Kids make their own choice in life and they have their own personalities. In the end, the decisions they make as adults are up to them. Hopefully, we prepared and raised them in a way to make the best possible choices. (This is why I always hammer writing down values and morals.) But there are outside factors we can’t always control. So all the blame is not on Dad’s shoulders alone. You get some Grace.
At the same time even if you were the worst dad or a non-existent dad. Kids can survive and succeed despite those circumstances. It’s not the best course of action and certainly not recommended. But for the dad that failed to put in the effort or even show up, it doesn’t mean they can’t turn out to be really amazing people. Your presence is important and statistically, kids with dads have much greater odds in life in almost every measurable stat…but don’t beat yourself up on what you can’t control anymore.
Today is a new day. The past is the past. You get to make a choice every morning to be a better man.
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